![]() I never thought there'd be a day where I wanted to break up with running. Sure there are plenty of days I didn't want to run or I dreaded going on a treadmill for a training run, but never had I felt I wanted to break up with something that brought me so much joy. However, on May 20, 2017 while running the country's largest half marathon -- the Airbnb Brooklyn Half Marathon -- that's all I wanted to do: quit. In the last 15 months I got injured with a hamstring injury that annoyed me enough to go to physical therapy, ran three half marathons, including one that was a PR, and one marathon which resulted in a PR. I tried to take time off, I know two weeks isn't "time off" but I was itching to get out there. Now I look back and wish I hadn't wanted to complete the Runner's World Challenge from Thanksgiving to Christmas. Then I convinced myself that I would take time off in the new year -- I did for the first two months. But when I started to run again, the hamstring didn't feel better. Brooklyn was supposed to be a spring board into my Chicago Marathon training that is supposed to start May 28. I thought Brooklyn was long enough after my time off that I could return to being in shape enough to post a respectable time. And if I tell you my time and that I was faster than 50% of the the field, you'll tell me I am crazy not to think that was a respectable time. However after a year of PR's and coming off of your best marathon performance you start to think you always have to break your own records. Running has always been a bright spot in my life. But, now it is something I loath doing and get nervous each time I'm out on the road. I've gotten an MRI so I know there is no tear in my hamstring, but my mind keeps playing tricks on me so I'm never too sure how far to push it these days. I see posts on social media about Chicago and I get sad because I don't know if I'll be able to PR there -- something that should be "easy" on such a flat course and something I definitely expected once I got through New York. For weeks I've questioned why I run. I run so I get outside some part of the day, I run for exercise, I run so I can eat all the ice cream and cake I want. But there's also a large part of me that runs because I know it is a way to keep me somewhat skinny and confident with my body, something I've struggled with my entire life. This is not a post to "woe-is-me" about my body image, but a large part of me for the last two weeks has questioned if I adjust my workout plans, will I be as happy with my body as when I am in peak marathon training shape? I honestly don't know and that scares me. I know I have to work on cross training and getting cardio other ways than running, but I don't get a high from being in the gym on a day I could be outside so it frightens the crap out of me if I will be able to be as fit without running as much. So as May 28 is four days away, I will join gym with a pool, start to focus on my sleep, recovery, stretching, eating and anything else that can aid my running for when I get to run. I hope I want to get my feet and the road back together and I hope that my bucklist will be able to have some more things checked off this year, but I just don't know. And at 24-years-old, maybe that is okay.
0 Comments
|
Megan FloodMegan is 29 and a 14-time marathoner. She is hoping to Boston Qualify one day. She doesn't know exactly how this blogging will go, but she is giving it her best shot! Archives
June 2019
Categories |
Marathoning Megan